| Amtrek: Daring to Care |
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We're happy to announce the unveiling of our new
Websight
for the Colorblind. This alternate site is the first phase in our
plan to allow barrier-free access to online features. In the future we'll be
offering sites for the deaf and mobility impaired. CLICK
HERE if you're
colorblind. |
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Look what we're rolling out! Amtrek's Engineering Department has created a new flexible track made entirely of space-age plastics! The new "Flex Track" will be rolled out - literally - on Amtrek's rights-of-way this Spring. Extremely light weight, a 50-foot section can be easily handled by one employee. The cumbersome old steel rail will be recycled, reaping far more in scrap value than the cost of Flex Track. While the new system has not actually been tested in service, Amtrek engineers expect no problems. Similar arrangements have worked flawlessly on toys for years. |
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| Amtrek declares
war on late trains: "If any train fails to arrive on time, ve vill shoot first and ask questions later," jokes one top exec. Intercity Operations Vice-President Bradford Wallet and On-time Performance Czar Coswell Groggins have completed an intensive three-day summit at which they dealt frankly with the problem of late trains. "Certainly we've had huge problems in the past," said Wallet. "Some have even accused us of management atrocities. But we've got to move beyond our mistakes." Groggins agreed, adding, "If nothing else, we want to be remembered for making Amtrek trains run on time." The two cheerfully vowed to crush any opposition to their plan. |
Intercity Operations Vice-President Bradford Wallet (left) and On-time Performance Czar Coswell Groggins (right) are pictured above at the end of their summit. |
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Amtrek
announces our new track-level WebCam. We're excited about this opportunity to communicate some of the thrill of modern trains. Visit our WebCam page. |
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| Late
train results in tense standoff The late operation of Amtrek's northbound #1300 has prompted disgruntled passengers to seize the train. The Heartache Flyer has been parked on a siding outside Norman, Oklahoma since December 28. Dispatchers refused to give it priority over freights on the busy single-track line. After sitting for over 72 hours, tired passengers on the all-coach train commandeered the baggage cars and converted them into makeshift dormitories. The scene is now littered with clotheslines and other signs of domestic life. Negotiators have been called in. UPDATE-February 6, 2000: Exhausted passengers were greeted with cheers from family and friends when they finally pulled into Oklahoma City, over five weeks late. Too tired to speak, they feasted on a lavish buffet of cheese crackers and Slim Jims flown in for the occasion. |
This was the scene just south of Norman, Oklahoma, where the Heartache Flyer was parked on a siding for five weeks. The train normally averages 31 miles per hour for its route, but the huge delay brought the average for this trip down to 26 miles per week. |
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Mysterious
derailment
leaves unanswered questions Investigators are puzzled by the December 26 derailment of the Late Shore Limited. The train inexplicably rolled over on its side as it was sitting at the Ashtabula, Ohio station. Luckily, no passengers were hurt. The strange occurrence has raised many questions. According to a witness, the train - which was already running over 13 hours late - simply tipped off its rails "as though it was too tired to go any further." Apparently this was the first documented example of a "spontaneous derailment." |
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| Research
& Development's bold plan to cut costs Amtrek's R&D Department is now testing what may be the greatest technological advance for railroads in history. The "Gravity Drive" (pictured here) will allow trains to coast from point to point. In order to derive the maximum benefit from this innovation, tracks throughout the country would be rebuilt to a constant 1.5% grade, and all trains would be rescheduled to travel in only one direction. While reconstruction of tracks would cost about $18.5 billion, it would save a staggering $21.3 million per year in fuel costs! |
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| New
revenue sources will ensure Amtrek's financial health in the new millennium Our business plan requires us to operate free of subsidies by 2005, so we've been hard at work identifying new markets. We already carry mail, express and produce on our passenger trains. Now we've secured exclusive contracts for the cross-country handling of surface-to-air missiles, submarines and even ICBMs. Recent news photos are below. |
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