Mr. Woodward P. Sanguine
Mr. John Mikesh
P.S. the steak and eggs for breakfast was just bonzer and the roast for dinner the second night was fantastic.
Goodday, Mate. We're sorry about the loss of your pet and
can bring closure to this unfortunate incident. Your ticket stub
indicates you traveled on a "Wild Card Friday." This is a
popular feature of the Silver Meat Eater's dining car. On Wild Card
Fridays, our chef whips up an exotic, surprise treat from the untamed jungles
and outback of the far continents. Your pet kangaroo was that treat and,
judging by the positive feedback we've received, it made many stomachs very
happy. We do, however, regret the misunderstanding. Because you boarded the
train on Wild Card Friday, our chef naturally assumed you wanted your pet
to be included in the menu. Once he
realized your confusion, he and the rest of the onboard staff were
reluctant to reveal the delicious truth.
Amtrek recommends that all customers read our Policy Page before making reservations.
Pemberton Q. Cobblespot
Response: We're proud of features like our
Street Speakeasy. It's nice to see that Amtrek's new emphasis on
customer-friendliness has not gone unnoticed by Guests like Mr. Cobblespot.
On another note, we sincerely apologize for including the writer's name in the letter above, and in the preceding paragraph. Mr. Cobblespot asked us to withhold his name, but this page went out over the wire before the mistake was caught, and it's now too late to correct. Sadly, that is the unforgiving and indelible nature of today's Internet! We trust that Mr. Cobblespot and his entire hometown of Princeton, Illinois will forgive us this mistake.
Office Of The Person In Charge
Deferred Maintenance Way
Nutley, New Jersey
To Whom It May Concern,
My husband Chesterton and I spent our wedding anniversary traveling all over the country on one of Amtrek's "Expose America Fares." We wish to commend you on your wonderful service.
Although we rode many trains, one stands out. Train 37, the "Mail and Freight Express," took us from the little-known Civil War battlefield of Leaf Springs, Idaho to visit dead relatives in Breakwind, Colorado. Its derailment in the middle of a tunnel gave us a greater appreciation for the uncertainty of life itself. And, it added a touch of romance. In 48 years of marriage, I've never felt so close to my husband as when we had to trudge through stagnant puddles of water in total darkness to escape. We'll treasure that memory for years!
We also observed that train travel provides
such a different perspective. As our train rolled past mile after mile of squalid shacks and burnt-out tenement buildings, we realized just how good we have it in our modest but
tidy little home here in Woonsocket. I've often chided my husband about
our old appliances and furniture, but I saw many refrigerators and
dinette sets strewn along the tracks that were nowhere near as nice as
what we own. Many thanks for the wonderful memories.
|Editorial Response: Happily, we can respond that Mrs. Cheeseworth's trip was not unusual. Many of our routes offer unique scenery and experiences.|
|Attn: Woodward P. Sanguine,
13th Floor - Amtrek Center
1 Deferred Maintenance Way
Nutley, New Jersey U.S.N.J.
My Dear Mr. Sanguine,
I recently returned from one of your "land cruises." One expects to arrive late when traveling by train, but arriving 3-1/2 DAYS late was a bit much, especially considering we traveled only between Jellodelphia and New York. Because of YOU, I missed the once a year sale of fur-lined feather boas at Bloomies. What are YOU going to do about this? (By the way, I no longer have my reservation number because the cocktail napkin that the ticket was written on was accidentally flushed down the toilet on train #127. I was using the restroom marked "Handicapped," if that helps you to retrieve it.)
On a positive note, the complimentary pretzels you're famous for were almost fresh, and I lost only one tooth this time. It's nice to see that some aspects of your service have improved. I also noticed fewer flies. And, although some might dispute this, I feel the vermin are a nice touch. They're delightful little furry traveling companions - very friendly - I was only bitten twice.
With cool disdain,
|Editorial Response: In compensation for his alleged hardship, we sent Mr. Bladder a deluxe collector's tin of our famous pretzels.|
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